Tag Archive for: Al-anon

A New Way of Life

I knew something was very wrong with our relationship when I and my husband began to have frequent arguments and disagreements more often. I hated arguments about money, conflict always left me feeling uncomfortable, sad, confused and emotionally destroyed. It was worse when I realised that I could not prevent myself from getting angry or worrying about everything. What sent warning signals was when I began to get impatient with my own beloved children and shouting at them. What was happening to me if I could not stop myself shouting?

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Intimacy cannot exist without trust

I myself have issues around intimacy, largely due to the home I was raised in and the way I was treated growing up. I have had serious trust issues with friends, associates and close relationships. I have even had trust issues with my Higher Power. I have often substituted sex for intimacy and love because of fear and shame. I did not know how to have a healthy, intimate relationship.

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When enabling is no longer an option

AlAnonI never really thought that I was enabling my partner. I did not count bottles or pour them down the sink. I never had to bail him out or try to hide his drinking. But as I looked at my behaviour I realised that I had in fact been enabling him to drink.

So often I have found myself reacting to his bad behaviour by being angry for days and not talking to him. I would then threaten him and yell at him. I guess he could then justify being angry at me and his way of coping with this was to numb himself in booze. I would try to set boundaries, threatening to leave him and not follow them through. I was so angry, scared and confused. I couldn’t make him quit drinking. I couldn’t fix him or make him do what I wanted.

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What about me? – It’s not all about the drinker

AlAnonMeeting up with other carers whose loved ones, friends or colleagues are suffering from the effects of alcoholism is a very courageous step to take. You soon find that they too have lived with the denial, resentment, fear, anger, confusion, manipulation, chaos and deceit, all these behaviours played out daily within their lives with an alcoholic. It’s the realisation that these behaviours are not just those of the alcoholics that they have become your behaviours too that makes you see that you too are suffering from the effects of the illness of Alcoholism. Your life is out of control and you are fighting a painful battle and you are not winning.

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