Dear Alcohol and Drugs
The first time we met I was thirteen, I got put in an ambulance and had my stomach pumped but that didn’t stop me from wanting you again.
You made me feel so confident and fearless, I would have the courage to talk to people and do things that I couldn’t do when I was sober.
You helped me in getting the name “wild child”, I did crazy things and people laughed and I thought it was good at first.
I stood up to people; I wasn’t scared of getting hurt.
I had a good social life and was always at parties.
But it wasn’t always like that though, I was sat on my own in my empty house attempting suicide at the end of it.
I lost my son; my family couldn’t stand to see me in the state that I was in.
I wasn’t me anymore; Karla had gone, I was just a shell.
You stripped me of everything that means anything to me, you came before anything – you were always put first.
I was obsessed with you even though you were causing me great pain.
I never ever want to feel that way ever again.
The pain inside was unbearable, enough for me to feel like there was no way out other than to end my life because I couldn’t go on the way I was and never saw myself being able to let go of you.
Today I have been without you for eight months and my life has changed dramatically.
The day dreams that I had are starting to come true. I’m not going to say that everything was your fault, not everybody who drinks and drugs turns out the way that I did.
I don’t have an off button, I am an addict and today come to terms with that and made the decision to not have you in my life any more.
Today I have no room in my life for you, I have my recovery and I have my son and I am happier than I have been in years.
I’M DONE WITH YOU, YOU DON’T CONTROL ME ANYMORE.
Article featured in RecoveryTimes issue 8